I can’t sleep at night. I can not sleep at night. It isn’t because I wake up worried about what tomorrow is going to bring or did I turn the stove off. It isn’t because Nate snores. (If you heard him you would wonder how I can sleep) I wake up to Vivian’s rustling getting ready for her midnight snack. I hold her tiny body close to mine. As she nurses I hold her hand in mine. It is so tiny but so big. 1,2,3,4,5. Five fingers. Same as when she fell asleep earlier. I run my thumb across her eyebrow. She has my dad’s eyebrows, short and wide. I run my finger down her nose. Oh poor girl, she has my nose. She belongs to me. Look at her hair. I run my palm across the top of her head. It is so dark, just like her brother’s was. She looks just like he did. All of a sudden there is a thump to my back. Everett kicks me while he sleeps. I hold Vivian closer knowing she will be that big before I can blink. I can’t sleep. I go over her face and fingers again. 1,2,3,4,5 I rub her ear between my fingers. So perfect. I run my lips across her forehead. She smells like Vivian. I wonder what she will be like. What will make her laugh? What will be her favorite color? She is done eating and I am still staring at her in wonderment. She is so perfect. She is mine. I can’t sleep at night.
wow…just WOW! What a beautiful visual you’ve captured with such thoughtful words of deep feelings only a mother can understand. Feelings flooded me with memories of those sleepless nights that I wouldn’t change for anything.
Jeanyne~ Thank you! I Cherish these sleepless nights.